Most parents want to raise children who are polite and compassionate, so it can be hard to deal with when we catch our children using unkind words. While it’s normal for kids to have occasional moments of meanness, encouraging proper behavior is paramount.
To get your children to use kind words, try the following examples so they become more aware of the impact of their speech.
Teach About “Right Speech”
To help your kids learn about what they should and shouldn’t say to people, teach them about right speech. This principle reminds us to consider three questions before we speak in order to decide whether we should say what we’re thinking.
- Is it honest?
Can the statement you’re about to make be proven true? - Is it kind?
Will the statement you’re about to make hurt someone’s feelings or make their day? - Is it necessary?
If the statement isn’t a positive thing, is it something that HAS to be said?
If it’s not honest, kind, or necessary, it should not be said.
Set A Good Example
Your children learn from you more than anyone else they interact with, so if you want them to speak kindly to others, you need to do the same. Whether you’re near your children or not, start actively thinking about the way you speak to people and take steps to improve in areas where your politeness is lacking.
Small Rewards
Reward your child when you catch them being kind to another person and make sure they know what they’re being praised for. Keep the rewards small, though, as being kind should be its own reward. You might, for example, congratulate your child for being kind to a friend or sibling by saying, “that was a nice thing to say to [name], enjoy an extra 30 minutes of gaming if you want.”
Have Teachable “Golden Rule” Moments
Observe the way people in your child’s life behave and when you notice kind behavior from your child’s friend or family member, point it out. You could mention to your child that this person is following the golden rule by treating other people the way they want to be treated.
Additionally, if your child experiences unkind treatment, remind them of how it made them feel and explain that other people feel the same way when your child is unkind to them.
Children develop emotional intelligence as they grow, and as such, they’re going to make mistakes. Continue to be a guide in the right direction and your children will develop empathy and kindness as they mature.
